I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Randomize
