And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
