my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
You were trust falling into bushes
Randomize
