I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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