New low: just hacked my moms facebook
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
