So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
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