WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
