for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
