Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Randomize
