Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize