i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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