in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Randomize
