a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
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