i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Less talking, more tequila
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
