Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
