Are we in a gay sports bar?
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
