if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
