After last night, I could never be a politician.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
