Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
