He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
