When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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