i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
