those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
