let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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