If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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