Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
And then my night got REAL pukey
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
