I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
