remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
