i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
