Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
