those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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