it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
