I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
