It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Randomize
