You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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