Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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