I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
