Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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