soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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