You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Barsexuality is the new black.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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