she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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