no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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