We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
