WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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