Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I just googled if crying burns calories
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
They have beer where we have blood.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
