I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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