They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
