Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
