i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
