listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
