I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
