We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
