How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
you had me at cake vodka
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
