She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
